


Words Were Never So Useful

by snowquill



Category: The Evil Within (Video Game)
Genre: M/M, Post-Game, Valentine's Day, Valentine's Day Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-23
Updated: 2016-04-23
Packaged: 2018-06-04 01:52:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,910
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6636154
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/snowquill/pseuds/snowquill
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Someone gave Joseph chocolate for Valentine's Day and that someone wasn't Sebastian. </p><p>Sebastian decides to investigate.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Words Were Never So Useful

**Author's Note:**

> The Valentine’s fic no one asked for, more than two months late and without Starbucks.
> 
> Some **warnings** : Mentions of mental trauma, alcoholism, death, suicide, Ruvik, MOBIUS and all that fun stuff. None of this is discussed in detail, however.
> 
> Special thanks to [candeloro](http://archiveofourown.org/users/candeloro/profile) who kept cheering me on, encouraged me to continue writing and then proof read 9K with the patience of a saint. Thank you so much!
> 
> The title is from Florence + The Machine’s song “All This And Heaven Too”.
> 
> You can also find me on [tumblr](http://snowquill.tumblr.com/) where I spend most of my time crying over fictional characters and reblogging foxes.

Life was back to normal – or as normal as it could be after the whole affair with STEM and MOBIUS. Still, it was a lot better than Sebastian had ever dared to dream. For one, he was still alive. That in itself was a surprise. Even his sanity was mostly intact, although Sebastian wasn’t sure what had been worse: His time inside of STEM or the mess following it. Even one and a half years after being sucked into STEM for the first time, Krimson City still felt what happened. In some moments, Sebastian felt as if he and Kidman had physically turned over every single stone in the city and had still only scratched the surface. It made Sebastian look twice at every single case which landed on his desk. What if it was indeed still connected to MOBIUS? Even with the FBI keeping a very close eye on the city, even with all the investigations following the incident involving Ruvik, there was no clear answer. They had dealt a blow to MOBIUS but they still existed, somewhere, waiting. And no one had found Ruvik either. Sebastian feared what that guy might be planning.

It made cases like the suicide they got in this morning a lot more complicated. It wasn’t even noon and Sebastian was already nursing his fifth cup of coffee. It looked like a classic suicide, they had a note and everything, but Kidman had pointed out similarities to another suicide last month. So now he had her and her partner digging through files in search for other deaths in this fashion while he was frowning at the case file of this one. Sometimes, he missed the rocket launcher he had in STEM. While he certainly didn’t miss the psychological terror, he could shoot his problems there, at least. It had its merits.

“Regretting your promotion again, _Sergeant Castellanos?”_ It was a well-known voice which ripped Sebastian out of his thoughts and despite his caffeine-induced state of near-coma, he managed a wry grin in reply. 

“If you came to steal my coffee again, I will fight you to the death, _Sergeant_ Oda.”  
Not that smiling at his former partner had ever been that difficult. Their new ranks, however, had taken some time getting used to. He supposed his promotion was both due to his very hands-on experience with MOBIUS and to the KCPD being chronically understaffed as a great deal of their force was killed at Beacon Hospital. His psychiatrist had been more than reluctant to let him get back to work as early as he did but for him, it was his own way of dealing with what had happened. And it gave him the chance to cleanse the city from MOBIUS’s and Ruvik’s influence while still keeping an eye out for the both of them.

Something he still wasn’t used to was not working with Joseph any more. His former partner had returned to working later than Sebastian did but instead of going back to the Homicide Bureau he had requested a transfer to the Cold Cases Unit. Sebastian hadn’t taken the news well, exactly. There might have been some yelling involved. But as usual, Joseph had already made up his mind, telling Sebastian how he couldn’t rest until he had uncovered every single crime MOBIUS or Ruvik had committed in Krimson City and the surrounding towns. The KCPD was all too happy to welcome Joseph back to the force and put him in charge of the cold cases.

Sebastian knew that if someone was able to drag every single dirty secret to the light of day it would be Joseph. Still. He would have liked to have him in his team of detectives. Kidman was a capable detective but Joseph was _different_. Also, yes, Sebastian very much had wanted to keep an eye on Joseph to make absolutely sure he was okay and wasn’t subjected to more stress than he could handle – a thought uttered by the man who returned to work despite his psychiatrist threatening to tie him to a chair. Double standards, Sebastian sometimes had them.

“I know better than to come between a man and his coffee”, Joseph answered lightly and God, did Sebastian miss him. It was ridiculous, really. They still ran into each other on work and spent a lot of their free-time together. But it was nothing compared to before and Sebastian wasn’t quite sure it all came from the “obsessive mother-henning” Joseph liked to accuse him of.

“Age did make you wise, after all”, Sebastian teased.

Joseph hummed, the corners of his mouth twitching in amusement. “Actually, I came to give you something.”

“Oh?” Sebastian asked as he accepted the small red box Joseph handed him. It contained a large bar of chocolate smelling faintly of peanut and sugar.

“It was a present but you know I can’t eat lactose.” Joseph explained and motioned at the chocolate. “It contains milk chocolate and some kind of caramel and peanut fudge, I guess? It looks really nice so I didn’t want it to go to waste.” Joseph waved his hand in an _and-so-here-we-are_ -gesture. 

“So you’re giving me what you don’t want because you’re too polite to refuse it? Charming as ever, Oda”, Sebastian answered, despite both of them knowing Sebastian had a terrible sweet tooth. “The things I do for you”, he mumbled while already plotting the chocolate’s early demise.

“Yeah, your self-sacrifice is deeply appreciated.” Sebastian smiled at the other man’s sarcasm. So it was a good day then – or good enough, at least. Despite Joseph’s complaints Sebastian couldn’t help but worry after everything that had happened to them, to Joseph, especially. Still, it was nice to have some kind of normalcy again. Even if it was just something as mundane as lame jokes during work.

Sebastian frowned when Joseph turned to leave. “What now, you just drop off your crap and leave immediately? Harsh.”

“Some of us got work to do”, Joseph answered with a shrug. “Also, I got Juli and Ana wreaking havoc in my office, I need to contain some of the damage.” 

“Yeah, yeah”, Sebastian said, already turning back to his work. The chocolate Joseph had brought him still sat next to him on the desk. There was something about it that was off, something that bugged him about that gesture. He just couldn’t put his finger on what it was. It wasn’t until Pat entered his office that he noticed. Pat was their _Administrative Specialist_ , whom Sebastian was explicitly forbidden to ever refer to as _secretary_ again, a demand he followed both because, despite his reputation and gruff attitude, he wasn’t an insensitive jerk and because Pat was 5’ of absolute terror if she wanted to be. She also was actually an amazing colleague and had somehow survived the bureaucratic hell which followed the Beacon Hospital Incident. She wasn’t the heart but the fucking central nervous system of the Homicide Bureau.

“The lieutenant wants to know why Detectives Kidman and Rojas are harassing Sergeants Oda’s team again”, Pat said in lieu of a greeting, quickly followed by: “Why is the damn coffee empty already?” Sebastian, however, was too distracted by the delicate golden necklace around her neck to answer: definitely new, definitely expensive. A present from her husband, probably. Maybe it was their anniversary or maybe…

“Yesterday was the 14th, right?”

“Er, yes?” Pat answered, clearly confused. Sebastian’s eyes went back to the chocolate on his desk. It was the nice kind, the expensive kind, the off-brand-handmade kind. Likely a personal present, then. Which made sense, considering Joseph was Japanese – _half_ -Japanese and with only loose ties to his grandparents’ home country, but this wasn’t something anyone who didn’t know him very well was likely to be aware of. And if the one who gave Joseph the chocolate had known him well they would have known about his lactose intolerance as well. This didn’t really rule out that many, however, since Sebastian knew all of Joseph’s close friends and no one seemed likely to express romantic interest in Joseph. Because that’s what it was about, right, the whole giving-chocolate-on-Valentine’s-day-thing. And if he remembered correctly, it was rather big in Japan.

Sebastian shoved a couple of files to the side to get to his keyboard and do a quick internet search to verify his theory. He was nothing if not thorough. 

His digression into Japanese Valentine’s customs was cut short by Pat pointedly placing a folder on his keyboard. 

“Whatever it is you’re doing: stop it, as it obviously doesn’t have anything to do with work. And call your detectives off. It is only Monday and way too early for whatever you’re up to.” 

“It’s about the Michelli suicide”, Sebastian explained.

“Is it now.” Pat shot the computer screen a look where the page about Valentine’s Day in Japan was still open in its browser. Sebastian refused to close it because it would made him look like she caught him doing whatever craziness she thought he was doing. Instead he leaned back and looked directly at her. Eye-contact was vital, years of working on the police force had taught him that.

“It might be linked to other suicides. It’s nothing more than a suspicion but it felt right to check nevertheless.”

“How can suicides be linked?” Pat paused. “Right. Beacon. Forget I asked.” She seemed to mull over Sebastian’s words for a moment before she said: “Fine. It is worth investigating. Just try to tone the eagerness down a little. You know how Kid gets sometimes.” 

“Sure”, Sebastian answered, the corners of his mouth turned up into a slight smile. Pat made the way he missed Joseph at his side bearable. He had worked with the other man for almost a decade but not until they stopped being partners at work had Sebastian fully realised the extent of how they relied on each other. Of how much _he_ had relied on Joseph. The other man had always been there to hold him back if his temper got the better of him or if Sebastian bent the rules just a bit too much. Now he was responsible for a squad of six detectives and supposed to keep them under control while managing his own paranoia. Ruvik’s nightmare had followed everyone who survived their time in STEM outside and even the ones who hadn’t experienced it first-hand couldn’t help but jump at shadows sometimes. MOBIUS did cast very large shadows, after all. The trick was to find a middle way between panic attacks every time something seemed fishy and waving every doubt off. It wasn’t easy but Sebastian was getting better at it.

“I’ll send Kid and Ana over to Forensics, see if they already have something useful”, Sebastian offered. There wouldn’t be much yet but it would help to keep Kid occupied for now. While Kid and her partner Ana were a nigh unstoppable force when working on a case, that force turned destructive as soon as a case showed possible relations to MOBIUS.

“You do that”, Pat said and turned to leave when Sebastian’s look fell back onto his computer screen. Right. Issues of national (and personal) security aside, there was also … _that_. 

“Pat. Did you see someone giving Joseph a present today?”

Pat looked decidedly unimpressed as she stared at him from the door to his office. “Sebastian”, she warned, “you’re hovering again.”

“I’m not!” Sebastian replied to which Pat simply shook her head.

“Yes, you are. I can actually see the _Castellanoscopter’s_ rotor blades turning. So. _Stop_.”

“I’m me-…”

“ _No_.” And with that, she left the room, letting the door click shut extra loudly for effect.

Sebastian groaned and rubbed his hands down his face. Generally, Pat was right with criticizing Sebastian’s tendency for over-protectiveness when it came to Joseph. After STEM, Joseph had been a mess, so much that Sebastian feared he would never get better again. But then he was and he was returning to work and Sebastian may have lost his shit over it. Because he had lost his daughter already, had lost his wife – lost her to grief first, then to the madness that was MOBIUS and to death at last, lost her for good as he saw her die because he had failed to protect her. He thought he had lost Joseph when Kidman had accidentally shot him, had spent hours in STEM trying to reach out to Joseph, will him to fight the corruption eating away at his mind, had spent painful weeks and months watching the other trying to claw his way back into a life that wasn’t defined by fear and self-destruction.

Yes, he had objected when Joseph had first expressed his wish to return to work and yes, he went overboard in his attempt to look out for Joseph. The fight they had about it had been ugly and it was only thanks to Pat kicking his ass that he actually managed to take a deep breath and stop helicoptering Joseph. 

But the Valentine’s chocolate wasn’t about this. It didn’t bug Sebastian that someone showed interest in Joseph, someone Joseph might even be interested in as well. God knew the man deserved every little bit of happiness there could be in his life. It simply bugged Sebastian that that someone wasn’t … well, _him_.

He knew he was in no position to complain because he wasn’t the one handing out Valentine’s chocolates. He thought about it, however. Not Valentine’s chocolate but making a move in general but it was … complicated.

Hell, it wasn’t even as if it was a new thought but if anything, that made it actually worse. Because he _had_ thought about it. Back then, in the months following Lily’s death when his marriage lay in shambles. Joseph had been at his side when Myra was not, when Myra _could_ not. He knew she was grieving as much as he was and he now knew she was doing so much more as well. But he was hurt and lonely and hated himself so much that it came as a solace to blame her for everything going wrong between them. 

Joseph had taken care of him, back then. And it had felt good, being cared for again. The whiskey helped him forget, soothed the pain he felt, but Joseph was the one who made him feel loved again. Lily’s death had ripped all warmth from his life. The new small townhouse Myra and he had moved into felt foreign and wrong, impersonal with all the things it missed. The furniture the house came with lacked the notches and dents the furniture in their house used to have. No scratches from where Lily had driven her toy cars down the wooden armrests of the chairs in the living room, no flecks of colour from her crayons on the dining table, no tiny handprints on the wallpaper, no doorframe marked with how tall Lily was. There weren’t even any pictures on the wall or useless knick-knacks cluttering the surface of their furniture. 

At night, Myra slept with her back turned towards him. It didn’t matter because Sebastian hardly noticed. Myra locked herself into her office until late at night when Sebastian was either too drunk to care or already asleep. More often than not, he didn’t even bother to get into bed when he was drunk, passing out on the couch or the armchair instead. 

Caught in the spiral of self-destruction Myra and him had going, Sebastian took to any gesture of affection Joseph showed him like a moth to the flame. Joseph wasn’t overly physical, he liked his personal bubble and he liked keeping his distance. Sebastian would never forget the look on Joseph’s face when he met Sebastian’s parents at his and Myra’s wedding for the first time: Between meeting Joseph for the first time, learning he was Sebastian’s best man and tugging the man into a tight embrace including kisses to both cheeks had lain about thirty seconds. One could not easily catch Joseph Oda off guard and the look on his face in that moment, combined with the furious blush on his cheeks was something Myra and Sebastian would remember fondly in the years to come. Fondly, and a little bit mischievously.

Other than Joseph, Sebastian was a rather physical person, both when it came to expressing affection and anger. Joseph understood this and when Sebastian hit rock bottom, he was right there at his side, letting the other man _feel_ he was: a hand on his shoulder, an arm around his back, be it to support him or to hold him back from fucking himself (or someone else) up even more. 

Joseph was a saint when it came to dealing with Sebastian during that time. Of course, Sebastian had to go and fuck it up at some point. He was drunk, that night, but back then, he was most nights. Joseph had picked him up from the bar he often went to when he couldn’t stand being inside his new house anymore and driven them back to his own flat. Sebastian was grateful for that. He felt as if he could breathe more easily in Joseph’s flat, sleep better. There weren’t any shadows of things not-there or doors perpetually locked to him. 

Somewhere between Joseph pushing his trench coat off his shoulders and helping him out of his shoes Sebastian had realised how much he actually cared for Joseph, how perfect his best friend actually was. It was a kind of one-sided realisation that only whiskey, marital problems, grief and too many unresolved issues to even count could come up with. The other man had always been vocal about his concerns when it came to Sebastian’s drinking but at least he cared. Myra didn’t, that’s what he believed back then, at least. Myra didn’t care but Joseph did and Joseph was perfect and always there for Sebastian when he needed him. He let Sebastian sob into his shoulder, held him when he was too drunk to stand upright, he even let Sebastian sleep in his bed when it was a particularly bad night. Unlike Myra, Joseph’s back wasn’t turned to him, he didn’t push him away when Sebastian moved closer, craving more contact, more closeness, more warmth. 

So when Joseph reached for him to lead him to bed Sebastian fisted the other man’s shirt and pressed a messy, open-mouthed kiss on his lips. It must probably have been a horrible kiss but to Sebastian it felt better than anything had since Lily’s death.

Kissing Joseph hadn’t even been the worst part, however. Hell, even not stopping the very moment Joseph told him to was. To top it all, Sebastian had to go and complain how Joseph was “gettin’ all picky all of a sudden”, a not-so-subtle jab at Joseph’s bisexuality. Yeah. If Joseph was bisexual why didn’t he want to sleep with Sebastian? On the list of all the stupid things Sebastian said in his life this made the top three.

Needless to say, Joseph wrestled him down onto his knees, keeping him in a hold usually reserved for struggling criminals until he calmed down. Sebastian got the couch that night and a stern lecture the next morning. To his surprise, Joseph lectured him only about his drinking habits, not mentioning the kiss or anything following it. Even in all their later fights concerning Sebastian’s drinking Joseph never brought it up (although he didn’t hesitate to list every other dumb and/or dangerous thing Sebastian did when intoxicated). Sebastian knew he should have addressed it, should have _apologised_ , for God’s sake, but those were difficult times back then. Their friendship wasn’t exactly as picture perfect as it seemed when drunk and the drinking was a sensitive topic for both of them, guaranteed to start another fight Sebastian really did not need.

What he was trying to say was that he didn’t want Joseph because he was convenient. But he couldn’t just go to Joseph and tell him this because Sebastian wasn’t all that done with thinking about it yet. A possible relationship, he meant. For the most time, Sebastian had actively avoided thinking about it because he was still married and loved his wife. He had not been willing to cheat on his wife, much less with a mutual friend. Suffice to say, Joseph probably would have kicked his arse if he had tried. And then came STEM, of course, followed by Myra’s death. Let’s just say it wasn’t like romantic issues were at the forefront of Sebastian’s mind for a very long time.

But now. Well. Someone expressed interest and it kinda made Sebastian feel pressured to act. And if it was only to figure out who it was. Simply because he was Joseph’s friend and that was what friends did. The ones with investigative training, at least.

He had to look at the facts first: The 14th was yesterday and they both had the day off. Sebastian had spent most of the day with Netflix and chilling in the most literal of all senses – even if neither Myra nor him cared much for Valentine’s Day it wasn’t easy to deal with when everyone was practically shoving happy couples in his face. As far as he knew, Joseph stayed at home, too. It was more likely Joseph had received the chocolate today, anyway, so Sebastian ruled anyone outside the police force out for now. Everyone not working today as well, Sebastian decided. It was possible someone had dropped the chocolate in Joseph’s locker but unlikely that Joseph would have accepted a present from an unknown sender, much less give it to Sebastian without making sure it was safe. 

Someone Joseph knew and trusted, then. Someone from the Homicide Bureau was obviously a possibility, perhaps someone from forensics as well. That one young serologist definitely had a crush on Joseph. After the Biology Forensic Section managed to replace the punch with their own concoction on the last Christmas party in a room full of trained investigators without anyone noticing until the amount of colleagues singing increasingly dirty songs reached a frankly worrying level Sebastian thought they were able to do anything. They could probably make a mean chocolate, too.

Sebastian reached for pen and paper and started writing down names. He included the Missing Persons Bureau as well since Joseph regularly had to do with them as well as the Arson & Explosives Unit. Joseph had taken courses on explosives during his training back in Canada. He never worked in this area but still took a geeky kind of interest in it which led him to spend some time with their colleagues, reminiscing about amateur parcel bombs or whatever it was they did. It was downright adorable. Also, Joseph’s knowledge concerning explosives and, more importantly, how to defuse them, saved their skin more than once before while simultaneously causing their superiors massive headaches.

Altogether, Sebastian was down to four possible groups. It was a start.  
He crossed out the ones he knew were married or in a relationship. Joseph being bisexual didn’t let him exclude anyone by their gender but Sebastian supposed he could rule some out by the type of person they were. There had been Olivia, the girlfriend who accompanied Joseph to Sebastian’s wedding. Their long-distance relationship had ended because she wished to stay in Canada while Joseph remained in Krimson City. And of course Tania, the elementary school teacher. Sebastian would’ve sworn they were going to marry and live happily ever after if they hadn’t they broken up shortly before Internal Affairs started investigating. Sebastian distinctively remembered the date because he had accused Joseph of overcompensating his failed relationship with his report to Internal Affairs. He really was an arse at that time.

Apart from those two, Sebastian could only think of that one chemist from Forensics Joseph went on a handful of dates with when it came to the women in his former partner’s life. There was even less to go from concerning men as there was only one boyfriend Sebastian was introduced to. He mainly remembered him because he hadn’t ever stopped making fun of Joseph for being unable to pronounce his boyfriend’s name _Jorge_ correctly.  
He had been a nice fellow, that Jorge: down to earth, easy-going and confident, olive skin, dark hair and a notable Spanish accent. It had taken Sebastian and Jorge all of two seconds before they broke into a rapid Spanish conversation about their respective origins, ending with way too many shots of tequila and an arm wrestling match between him and Sebastian. Jorge had been quite the opposite from Joseph considering his looks as well: broad and muscular, dressing casually enough to make it seem like he didn’t put a lot of effort in it (but he couldn’t fool Sebastian, that was product in his hair, okay). 

There might have been some other dates Sebastian didn’t remember or Joseph never bothered to mention. It didn’t matter, all Sebastian needed was an idea on which people Joseph might find interesting in return. Jorge’s type for men, probably, and dark-haired with brown eyes for women, maybe. Tania and Olivia didn’t have much in common concerning their looks. When it came to character, things were a bit easier to determine: Joseph liked humour, that much was clear. People often forgot that the man could be a sarcastic arsehole if he wanted to be. He seemed to like it when his partners were able to sass him right back. Someone witty, then, polite, friendly and not too shy. It was good enough for a start.

Sebastian looked back to the list of names. Taking marital status, age and Joseph’s (presumed) preferences into account, he was down to roughly twenty names. Time to do what he could best: investigate.

As he got up to leave, Kidman and Ana returned, each carrying a couple of files.

“Got anything?” he asked.

Kidman shrugged. “Hardly. Either we’re wrong or we’re missing something.”

“Maybe the coroner’s report will make things clearer,” Sebastian mumbled as he reached for one of the files his two detectives had brought back. A presumed suicide from five years ago, evidence showing no indication of foul play, a handwritten note. Textbook case of obvious if it weren’t for both family and friends swearing that this came completely out of nowhere and that the note didn’t sound like the victim at all. The note didn’t give an explanation either, being vague and impersonal. Medical records showed no hints of mental illness, no relevant physical illness either. Sebastian didn’t have to take a look at the other files to guess that they contained similar cases. This was going to be a nightmare.

Groaning, he rubbed a hand down his face. “Do me a favour and drop by Forensics to see if they already got something for us.” Both women turned to leave but Sebastian waved Kidman over to him once more. “Just a sec.”

“What’s it, boss?” Kidman asked, leaning closer. She was obviously expecting a questionable extra order from him. Look, Sebastian was well-aware of the rules and regulations coming with his job and he rarely ever broke them. _Bending_ them, however, was necessary sometimes. Anyways, it wasn’t what he wanted to ask Kidman this time.

“Listen, Kid. Someone gave Joseph something and I’d like to know who it was. If you could mention it and see what the rumour mill knows…”

“Something?” Kidman interrupted him. 

“Some chocolate.”

A blank stare. “Chocolate.” Kidman repeated carefully. “Like… Valentine’s Chocolate.”

“Yes.”

The look on Kidman’s face turned judgmental.

“Look, I don’t want to control who he meets or something! I’m merely curious!” Sebastian defended himself. 

“Sure, boss.” And now Kidman sounded as if she was laughing at him. “No problem, I’ll be extra thorough. You want me to drag the prime subject over to interrogate them, then?” Yes, she was definitely laughing at him. Sebastian made a shooing motion to get her out of his office, ignoring the amused look she kept shooting him. The files the two women had brought landed on his desk with the other papers. They would have to wait for a bit. First, he needed to have a chat with his other four detectives. 

As casually as he could, Sebastian left his office and walked to his squad’s desks. He even made sure to bring his cup of coffee to look like the epitome of nonchalance. It was all in the details.

“Morning,” Sebastian was greeted in mumbled unison.

“Morning detectives. Had a good week-end?” He made sure to catch Alex’s eye. The man was married and a likely candidate for a romantic date on Valentine’s Day. Alex only shrugged, however, too involved in his cup of coffee to really pay attention. Writing reports was no one’s favourite thing to do but Sebastian needed him now!

“Way too short, though”, Mercedes sighed and instantly became Sebastian’s favourite colleague.

“Looks like someone had a romantic date yesterday”, Sebastian prompted. Mercedes didn’t disappoint and launched into a five-minute monologue about how romantic and perfect her boyfriend was. To be honest, everything he had done did sound rather nice, even if Sebastian never cared much for Valentine’s Day. When Myra was still alive, sharing a box of chocolates in front of TV was the most romantic thing they’d done on that day.

“But what about you, boss?” Mercedes asked with a suggestive waggle of her eyebrows. “Had a nice day?” The grin on her face vanished abruptly from her face when her partner Charlotte gave her a sharp shove with her elbow, however.  
It took Sebastian a whole minute of uncomfortable silence between him and his detectives until he realised what was up: Right, the dead wife. Talking about Valentine’s Day must have seemed untactful to them, just like any conversation about Alex’s hopes for children were cut short in Sebastian’s presence. Sebastian wasn’t angry at them because of it, not really. They wished to be considerate without pitying him but didn’t dare ask because they thought that would seem intrusive. Sebastian had had that particular dance a hundred times before, with his life being nothing but a minefield of small-talk-unfit topics. Dead child, vanished and later dead wife, arson, mentally unstable psychopaths, trauma. The fun stuff.

“Nah, it was only me, TV and some junk food,” Sebastian joked, hoping to lighten the mood. “Living a bachelor’s life, y’know.” He cringed. That didn’t sound the way he intended. “I needed a day for myself, anyway. It was nice.” Continuing awkward silence answered him. His team didn’t quite seem to know where to look.  
“So...,” Sebastian began. Stopped. Cleared his throat. Took another sip of coffee.

Maybe it was time for a tactical retreat.

+.+.+.

It was during lunch break that Kidman came to see him. Sebastian was in his office, wolfing down his salad as he read through the files of the suicides again. Kidman let herself fall into the free chair opposite his, knocking the files he was reading to the side as she put both her feet on his desk. Alright. Lunch break was work-free, he got it. Sometimes he wondered whether Kidman and Joseph had a competition going about who could be the bigger mother hen.  
Kidman had made it a habit to check if Sebastian took a break from time to time. She had even gone over to bring him water when she feared he might be near a caffeine overdose. (Although “brought” was a vast understatement since she would basically kick his door down, throw a water bottle at his head and threaten to go and get Joseph to frown at him if he didn’t hydrate right _now_. But y’know, details.)

“Couscous salad? All healthy, boss,” Kid commented approvingly. Seb shrugged. When Kid had gotten to know him he had been in a very bad place but in fact, he knew one or two things about healthy meals. He was a decent cook and had once needed to care for a child. His therapist kept encouraging him to treat himself, do things he enjoyed, simply because he could. Cooking, he found, was one of the easiest ways of doing so. Plus, it helped him take his mind off things.  
Also, maybe Sebastian was turning 40 this year and as much as he hated to admit it he felt the time of neglect and alcoholism rather distinctively. Running from a horde of zombies, of all things, was not the moment you wanted to realise you could sprint about 10 seconds without hacking up your lung.

“Find anything?” Seb asked Kid between two bites.

“No signs our unknown chocolate givers works in Forensics as far as I can tell.”

“I actually meant –“

“Ah, it’s lunch break! I’m officially not required to talk about work for another 45 minutes!” Kid interrupted him with a shit-eating grin. Sebastian shoved her feet off his desk in revenge.

“I may have broken a heart, however. Remember that one serologist? Dark long hair, always in a ponytail? Big brown eyes? Rather cute, if I might add.” Sebastian mentally gave himself a high-five. That one had been his prime subject in Forensics.

“Maybe you should comfort her, then. Help her with her grief,” Sebastian suggested.

“Maybe I should.” They shared a grin. “By the way, boss, what is it you said to our dear colleagues? Last time I saw them looking that desperate it was 3 a. m. and Esteban had just cooked the last of our coffee with a pot of descaler because he forgot to swap it for clean water.”

Sebastian sighed deeply. There went hoping he could end his lunch break without Kidman laughing at him. 

+.+.+.

Despite the distrust he had met Kid with back in her rookie days, he had to hand it to her: That woman was efficient. Thirty minutes after the end of their lunch break she peeked into his office once more, gave him a thumbs up and left again. Sebastian crossed his teams’ names off his list of Joseph’s potential love interests. The names from the Arson & Explosives Unit followed after a short chat Sebastian had with them while he dropped off a report. Any further investigation re: Joseph’s admirer was cut short by the arrival of the coroner’s report on his desk. It confirmed the first suspicion: substance abuse, loss of consciousness, drowning. They had a note, albeit one written on a computer. No fingerprints than those of the victim were found on the note but it wouldn’t have been too hard to forge. The same went for the manner of death. They could not rule out that the victim had been poisoned, that someone mixed the drug into their drink and dragged her into the bathtub when she was already unconscious. 

Sebastian sighed and ran a hand through his hair. Okay. Another read through the file.

No known mental illness, no acute personal crisis either. no one holding a grudge against the victim, close relatives and friends all seemed to have alibis for that night. Kid and Ana were already checking them so he had to come back on that later. But there was no one amongst them who seemed particularly suspicious. The partner was always the prime suspect but he had been at a friend’s place that night. The relationship was still new and he hadn’t lived with the victim. They never had had plans to spend that night together either, however. This could hint at homicide … or no, actually it didn’t. Maybe this had all been planned. By the victim? Sebastian didn’t know. Absent-mindedly, he traced the question mark he had jotted down onto his notepad until the paper ripped and he was scrawling on the next sheet.

“Fuck!” Sebastian cursed, ripping the sheet off, crumpling it up and throwing it against the wall in a fit of frustration. What was he missing?

The case file, again: Victim drowned after substance abuse. No indication of foul play but no unequivocal proof that the victim was alone, either. Also, there was this other case Kidman had pointed out to him. Five weeks ago, another woman died the same way: substance abuse, drowning. No history of mental illness, either. The note had been written on the computer as well. It could be nothing but a coincidence, of course. But Sebastian had first-handedly seen what the police forces of Krimson City and Elk River had been sweeping under the rug for years and years. He had sworn himself that he wouldn’t be quick to look away anymore. He couldn’t make what happened undone but he had the responsibility to do better – to be better in the future.

Sebastian skimmed through the other files Kidman and Ana had brought him. Five other cases of drowning, all but one seen as an accident. The fifth one belonged to an open homicide investigation, where the murderer couldn’t be found yet. It was the only post-STEM case, too. Coincidence? Maybe, Sebastian thought. Maybe not.

It wasn’t Ruvik, that much was clear. That man had left his victims horribly disfigured, cut into pieces and thrown away like trash. He wouldn’t have bothered to stage an accident or suicide. Beacon Hospital, however. Too many files had been destroyed to fully understand which tests were run by Jimenez and his staff and how many lives they had cost. Sebastian remembered how many people there had been inside STEM, all slowly driven mad by being trapped inside Ruvik’s nightmare world. Elk River currently was a restricted area and the FBI kept the case files under wraps. For now, that route was a dead end for them.

There was another possibility, however. One Sebastian had no solid evidence for other than his gut feeling and what he pieced together from the files Myra had sent him (which where also in the hands of the FBI, currently): that it was MOBIUS. That the victims were people like Myra who got too close, people like Lily who were used as a warning, people like Joseph who got caught in the crossfire, people like Kidman who asked too many questions and needed to be taken care of.

Sebastian ran a hand through his hair with a groan and desperately wished for a cigarette. But that would require him to leave his office (thanks, smoking ban) and he couldn’t leave until he figured out what he was not seeing. There was something, he knew it … 

“Is this a bad time?” Joseph’s voice interrupted his thoughts. His former partner stood in the doorway, one foot in Sebastian’s office as if he didn’t quite know what to make of the scene in front of him. Hah, that made two of them, Sebastian thought bitterly.

“Nah,” he answered and waved Joseph in. In moments like this he missed his partner’s unrelenting calm which had always helped ground him the most. He hoped the other had a few minutes to talk.

Joseph made a beeline for the coffee machine but stopped short when he noticed the open files on Sebastian’s desk. “Are these the files Juli and Ana came to get this morning?”

“Yes. Kid noticed some similarities between the suicide we’re investigating and older cases.”

“Hmm. Did you find something fishy about your case?”

“Yes. Maybe,” Sebastian amended. Sighing, he added: “I know there is some kind of connection, there are way too many similarities for it to be coincidence.”

“You think it’s MOBIUS.”

“Yes.”

Joseph grimaced and sat down on the free chair opposite of him. “Alright. Walk me through it.”

Sebastian did. And when normally going over the facts helped him collect his thoughts, it only frustrated him further this time. There was little to go on and he knew it. He knew he sounded like he was seeing ghosts but if he didn’t look twice at something like this, no one would. And Sebastian had seen first-hand what came of this.

Plus, Joseph’s frown deepened with every word of his and it wasn’t his _I’m thinking very hard about what you’re saying because I have about a thousand ideas to add to this_ -frown, either. It was the _I don’t want to say you’re wrong but you’re really wrong_ one. And here he thought Joseph of all people would understand.

“You think I’m imagining things,” Sebastian said.

“No, that’s not …,” Joseph trailed off with a sigh. “Look. I’m not saying you’re wrong but you’re going about this the wrong way. You just got one new case and you’re already trying to reopen five others simultaneously. Who’s on the open investigation?”

“One of Miller’s detectives.” Miller was the sergeant working the other shift with her team. Seeing as that was currently the afternoon shift, they would start work soon. Sebastian made a mental notice to speak to the detectives assigned to the case.

“Leave them to their work,” Joseph said as if he had read Sebastian’s thoughts. “Let them finish their investigation. Sebastian – no,” Joseph stopped him before he even got a word out. Sometimes it was a curse they knew each other so well. Sebastian set his jaw but didn’t object, watching sullenly as Joseph closed all files but the one on the Michelli suicide. “I will take these files back with me, Seb. I promise I’ll have one of my team look into them, see if there is there is something earlier investigations missed. But you got to concentrate on this case, okay?” Joseph nudged the open file toward Sebastian as if that damn thing hadn’t been on his mind all noon already.

“In STEM, they called Ruvik the ghost in the machine. Don’t let him, or MOBIUS, become yours.”

Sebastian took a deep breath and ran a hand over his face. God, he needed some fresh air. And with that, he meant a cigarette. Thanks to the smoking ban, these came hand-in-hand these days.  
“Okay,” he agreed after a long pause. 

Joseph actually smiled at him in answer and it was the one smile Sebastian liked best, to be honest. The corners of Joseph’s mouth were only slightly upturned but his eyes were all warm and soft. It made a warm feeling bloom in Sebastian’s chest and he unconsciously answered with a smile in return.

He got it bad. Might as well admit it.

“Did you come here only to give some counsel, oh wise Oda?”

“Sure. They hired me as _deus ex machina_ ,” anwered drily. “No, actually I ran into Jim from Arson who said you were looking for me?”

“Aaah, yes. It was about the case,” Sebastian lied quickly. He was grateful Joseph’s back was turned because he rarely got away with lying to his former partner, no matter how insignificant those lies were. He almost forgave him for drinking Sebastian’s coffee _again_. Almost.

“Is there a reason the whole station steals my coffee?”

“We love you. Also, Harper bought decaf and I’m certainly not drinking this for its taste,” Joseph said as he added five spoons of sugar to his coffee.

Sebastian snorted at Joseph’s words as he rummaged through the papers on his desk for his cigarettes. Instead of them, he found the chocolate Joseph had given him this morning. Good alternative.

“Is it good?” Joseph was watching Sebastian carefully from the coffee machine as he sipped his coffee.

“Amazing,” Sebastian answered in what could be described as a slightly indecent moan. But he couldn’t help himself, that chocolate was spectacular. Maybe he should befriend Joseph’s admirer – after telling them to back off, of course. If there was the chance for more chocolate, it might be worth it.

“Good,” Joseph mumbled into his cup, his cheeks noticeably red. He had the tendency to be prudish in the most random of moments, Sebastian thought and made sure to eat the next piece of chocolate with an extra-appreciative sound.

“Another thing,” Joseph interrupted his choco-gasm. “Did you scare the scientists again?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means that eleven years of working as your partner was enough to make people avoid me as well when they want to avoid you. It also means that I witnessed one of the serologists all but jumping out of my way earlier.”

“Now, who’s the one seeing ghosts? Maybe she remembered something.”

“Not what I said at all. Also, I don’t think there was much for _her_ to remember in the men’s room.”

“Your lack of trust wounds me, Joe.”

“Eleven years,” Joseph reminded him with a pointed look.

“Okay, first: That one’s on Kidman, she was the one speaking to Forensic. Second, you got it all wrong: That serologist doesn’t dislike you, she likes you a bit much, in fact.”

Watching Joseph choke on his coffee was rather endearing, to be honest. It was also worth the pang of unreasonable jealousy he felt at the very thought of her.

“You’re joking.”

“I’m afraid not. Please tell me you have noticed the giant crush she has on you.”

Joseph mumbled something unintelligible in answer and turned to leave Sebastian’s office.

“She just wants senpai to notice her!” Sebastian called after him.

“You are a disgrace and an embarrassment!” Joseph returned before the door fell closed behind him. Through the windows of his office he could see the four detectives present look after Joseph, look back at him, then shrug and return to work. Good. Seems like they were getting used to work here.

Sebastian closed the file on the Michelli suicide for now. No use in looking through this before Kid and Ana returned with some statements. Miller and her team would arrive soon for the afternoon shift but until he could ask her about the open case on his desk he could always get some paperwork done. But first, cigarette. Finally.

(And just for the record, Sebastian made a point to pay attention to his colleagues’ reactions to him and there was no one diving out of his way and into obscure rooms.)

The fresh air was a blessing after being stuck into his office for the whole day. Quiet days like today were rare. They meant reasonable working hours and, of course, no one dying. But they also meant hours upon hours stuck in the office, doing paperwork. It was what most people outside the force probably didn’t know about the work: That it meant mountains of paperwork, something which only had increased with Sebastian’s promotion to sergeant. A large amount of it wasn’t even related to actual investigative work but administrative. Even with Pat doing most of the work, he still needed to sign overtime slips, complete time sheets or review requests for leave. No rest for the wicked. Or the ones bored by bureaucracy, in this case. Maybe it would help him get a clear head for when he took another look at the Michelli case. Joseph was right: He needed to stop behaving like a rookie and go about this in an unbiased way. Premature presumptions helped no one and he needed … – 

Sebastian stopped short, the cigarette in his mouth forgotten as something occurred to him. He was such an idiot! He had presumed Joseph had told him the truth: That the chocolate had been given to him and he was gave it to Sebastian due to his lactose intolerance. But who said Joseph was telling the truth? How could he have been so dense? He had googled that damn tradition only this morning and not once had it occurred to him that maybe it wasn’t an unknown admirer using a Japanese tradition but … Joseph himself. 

Could that be possible? Maybe.  
Sebastian chewed on the still unlit cigarette between his lips nervously, turning his lighter on and off as he thought about what to do next. Well, there was only one way to find out.

He stuffed the cigarette and the lighter into his waistcoat’s pocket as he turned and stormed back into the building, leaving behind some very confused colleagues. He walked down the hallway in long strides, startling everyone when he threw the door to the office of the Cold Cases Unit open without so much as a knock. 

“Joseph, a word?” Sebastian asked, grabbing Joseph by the arm and pulling him out of the office before he could even utter a word. 

“Sebastian, what the hell,” Joseph hissed as he tried to free himself out of Sebastian’s grip in a more subtle way than simply _seoi-nage_ -ing him in the middle of the hallway. Meanwhile Sebastian realised that a police station was not exactly rich in places for a private conversation. They could always go back to Sebastian’s office, lock the door and close the blinds but with his squad and the afternoon shift in the adjacent office calling it “private” was a bit of a stretch. Grumbling, he pulled Joseph into the janitorial room and locked the door. A lone lightbulb gave the room a dingy glow, casting dark shadows onto Joseph’s very unhappy-looking face.

“Whatever it is, did you have to pick the most cliché–“ The rest of Joseph’s sentence was lost as Sebastian kissed him. No preamble, no explanation, he just did. And it was fantastic, Sebastian thought as he turned his head to get a better angle. For a long moment, Joseph didn’t react and then, finally, he returned the kiss, tentatively pressing his lips back against Sebastian’s. It only lasted a short moment, however, before Joseph pushed Sebastian back.

“What the hell?” Joseph asked. His blush was visible even in the low light. He looked surprised but not necessarily angry, Sebastian noted with some hope.

“I thought about waiting until White Day but then I thought it would be rude to leave you without an answer for so long.” Also, he feared he would have talked himself out of this if he had been given time to think about it. 

“And you had to choose the most clichéd place of all for this.”

“Says the grown man giving away chocolate for Valentine’s day and lying about it,” Sebastian teased which caused Joseph to flush deeper. 

“Shush,” the other said and shoved Sebastian playfully.

“It was from you though, wasn’t it. The chocolate,” Sebastian asked in a quiet voice. Because he needed to know. He was so nervous he was about two minutes from passing out and he just needed to know …

“As if you didn’t know already …,” Joseph mumbled, barely loud enough for Sebastian to hear. But he did and couldn’t help but smile.

“Stop it.” Joseph moved to shove Sebastian again but he caught the other’s hand to pull him closer instead. Their chests touched briefly and Sebastian didn’t miss the way Joseph’s eyes darted to his lips for a moment. It seemed surreal that he could have this, that everything should be so easy. But Joseph wasn’t pulling back, and he didn’t protest when Sebastian slid his fingers between his. Still smiling, Sebastian leant closer and bumped their foreheads together gently. He felt Joseph’s finger twitching between his, as if the other had to hold himself back from reaching for him. It was a sweet thought, that Joseph wanted this, the only sweeter being that they could have it. 

Sebastian remembered his therapist telling him he needed to work on accepting that sometimes, good things simply happened, that there was no need to fight for them all the time. Sometimes, all he needed was to accept what was right in front of him.

Sebastian tilted his head, slowly moving in for another kiss, watching how Joseph’s eyes closed only moments before their lips touched again. They kissed once, twice, carefully, then Sebastian let go of Joseph’s hand to slide both of his around Joseph’s waist. Joseph reached up with both hands in return, grabbing his neck to pull him closer and kissing him _hard_. Their noses bumped and Joseph’s glasses dug into Sebastian’s cheek but it was undeniably perfect. 

With a low grunt, Sebastian shoved Joseph hard against the wall behind him, but then jumped back with a curse, rubbing the back of his head. Their movement had made one of the bottles on the shelf above him fall down, hitting Sebastian’s head painfully. Ouch, way to ruin the moment, clorox.

Joseph laughed at him but Sebastian could hardly be angry when the other reached up to run a hand through his hair, gingerly touching the spot where the bottle had hit his head. 

“What do you say to dinner tonight? I could cook.”

“Sounds good,” Joseph answered. “My place?” And Sebastian could kiss him – hell, he actually did. Because the flat he lived in, the flat he had moved into with Myra after Lily’s death, the flat where there was a room he didn’t enter any more, was full of ghosts and Joseph’s place felt safer nowadays.

When they stepped out of the janitorial room a minute later, Sebastian ignored the confused stare one of his colleagues gave him (it was one of those he had confused earlier by chewing on his cigarette while flicking his lighter on and off again. Poor guy) as well as Pat’s frankly lewd gesture which made Joseph flee back into his office at top speed. But he accepted Kidman’s high five because he felt pretty amazing right now. 

He then went back into his office to get some work done … and eat some more of the chocolate, _his_ Valentine’s chocolate, he might add.  
Yes, things were good.


End file.
